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                               COMPUTER VIRUSES
                               I'D LIKE TO SEE!
                                       
   
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     * Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
       It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice
       if by C:.
     * Right-to-life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless
       of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you
       to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
     * Dan Quayle Virus 1: Prevents your system from spawning any child
       processes without joining into a binary network.
     * Dan Quayle Virus 2: Their iz sumthing rong with yore compueter,
       ewe just cant figyour owt watt.
     * Mario Cuomo Virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
       run.
     * George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test ...
       no new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free
       space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the
       Congress Virus.
     * Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just
       before the whole thing quits.
     * Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll
       be back.
     * Michael Jackson Virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly
       altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it
       will trash your car.
     * Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
       destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
       stations across rural America.
     * Oliver North Virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
     * Terry Randle Virus: Prints "Oh no you don't"whenever you choose
       "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
     * Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
     * Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Nobody can find it.
     * Adam-and-Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
     * LA PD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on
       your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
     * Congressional Virus 1: The computer locks up, screen splits
       erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the
       other side for the problem.
     * Congressional Virus 2: Runs every program on the hard drive
       simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
     * Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
       little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of
       which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
     * Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
       software says everything is fine.
     * Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
       wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
     * Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has
       gone before.
     * AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
       you are getting.
     * The MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
       paying too much for the AT&T virus.
     * PBS Virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
     * Politically correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus," but
       instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
     * Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
       80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
     * Texas Virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
     * Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
     * Sears Virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
       power supply, and a set of shocks.
     * New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
       people really mad just thinking about it.
     * Gallup Virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
       percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
       percent margin of error).
     * Imelda Marcos Virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
       up then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
       all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
     * Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
       own motherboard.
     * Nike Virus: Just Does It!
     * Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants
       to.
     * Cleveland Indians Virus: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a
       286/AT.
     * Chicaco Cubs Virus: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in
       last in the reviews, but you still love it.
       
   
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   Converted to HTML by Kai Holst
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